Why your lived experience is the most important credential you’ll ever need
What if the very thing that broke your heart is the credential you’ve been waiting for?
We’ve been sold a lie: that the only people qualified to lead change are the ones with degrees, titles, or institutional power. But most movements don’t start in think tanks or boardrooms. They start in kitchens, classrooms, and coffee shops — with ordinary people refusing to accept the status quo.
This episode of Find Your Freaks is about dismantling the “I’m just a…” myth. I’m just a mom. I’m just a student. I’m just a private citizen. Those words silence the very people most qualified to speak. The greatest experts are the ones living the problem day in and day out.
If you’ve lived it, you’re ready. Not to do it all forever, not to carry the mantle alone, but to take the next right step that makes your people safer.
If you’ve lived it, you are qualified—at the very least—to lead the next right step. — Tonya Kubo Share on XEpisode Highlights
- [01:24] Busting the “I’m just a…” myth
- [06:01] Nikki James Zellner’s daycare story: how one mom sparked a state law
- [12:31] Why lived experience is the real qualification for advocacy
- [17:41] What communities actually ask for when you listen
- [23:01] The cost of advocacy (and how to set boundaries)
- [27:02] The permission slip: if you’ve lived it, you’re ready
The “I’m Just a…” Myth
“I’m just a mom. What can I do?”
“I’m just a student. What difference can I make?”
We hear this all the time. Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. But every time we say “just,” we shrink the power of lived experience. We convince ourselves that the people closest to the problem are somehow the least qualified to solve it.
The opposite is true. Outsiders may bring perspective, but insiders bring context. They see the nuance, the daily reality, the things statistics can’t capture. That’s why the first voices that need to be heard are the ones already living inside the issue.
A Mom, a Furnace, and a Law
In Episode 6, Nikki James Zellner shared how she became an advocate for carbon monoxide safety in daycare centers. She didn’t wake up one morning craving policy reform. She dropped her children at daycare, like any other mom. And then a malfunctioning furnace exposed kids to carbon monoxide without a single detector in the building.
She could have stopped there. Bought her own detectors. Protected her kids privately. But instead, she asked questions: Why isn’t there a law? How did this happen? Who else is at risk?
Those questions grew into a movement. Today, thanks to Nikki’s persistence, kids across her state are safer.
That’s how change happens. Not because an “expert” steps in, but because someone living the problem refuses to stay silent.
Listening to the People Who Live There
I once worked on a research project aimed at improving rural life. The experts had all kinds of ideas: maybe a grocery store, maybe a hospital, maybe better schools. But when they finally sat down with residents, the top request wasn’t healthcare or education.
It was sidewalks.
Without sidewalks, parents couldn’t safely walk their kids to school. What good was a new grocery store if they couldn’t cross the street without fear? The simplest, cheapest solution turned out to be the one no outsider had imagined.
The people living the problem always see it most clearly.
The Cost of Carrying the Mantle
Advocacy isn’t free. It takes time, energy, and sometimes the uncomfortable role of “that mom” or “that neighbor” who won’t stop asking hard questions.
But carrying the mantle doesn’t mean carrying it forever. Nikki’s work continues today not because she does it all herself, but because others picked up the torch.
Your job isn’t to be the hero of every story. It’s to take the next right step — and trust that others will join you.
Nobody is ‘just’ a mom, a student, or a private citizen when they’re called to defend a community. — Tonya Kubo Share on XYour Permission Slip
Here it is, in writing: If you’ve lived it, you’re ready.
Ready to write the letter.
Ready to start the group.
Ready to speak up at the meeting.
Not to run the whole movement, but to mobilize yourself — and maybe a few others — toward safety, dignity, and belonging.
Because nobody is “just” anything when they’re called to defend their community.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.
Episode Transcript
Get the full transcript from Episode 7.
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What’s Next
Next time on Find Your Freaks: We’ll talk about parenting off script. Stay tuned for Episode 8’s exploration of finding belonging when your life doesn’t align with what others consider normal.
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