Why showing up isn’t about ego, it’s about belonging.

You might think being visible means being vain — that wanting to be seen, heard, or recognized is somehow selfish. But what if visibility isn’t about attention at all? What if it’s the bridge that connects you to the people who’ve been looking for you all along?

In this solo episode, I unpack my conversation with my biz bestie, Mary Williams of Sensible Woo (010 — Visibility Isn’t Vanity), to explore what it really means to be seen — and how craft and focus shape our ability to belong.

Because showing up like you mean it isn’t about ego. It’s about connection.

Episode Highlights

• 0:00 – 2:30 What “visibility” actually means (and why it’s not vanity)
• 7:07 – 9:30 The difference between wanting to be seen and wanting fame
• 9:31 – 14:13 Craft as community care. How intention shows respect
• 14:14 – 16:32 Why people leave communities when they don’t feel valued
• 16:33 – 21:12 Focus over frenzy — you don’t need to be everywhere to make an impact
• 21:13 – 23:35 Social media myths and the truth about “omni-channel” burnout
• 23:36 – 28:26 Showing up with depth and consistency = belonging
• 28:27 – 30:00 Final takeaway: your freaks can’t find you if you’re hiding

The Fear of Being Seen

When Mary and I recorded our conversation on visibility, we joked that half the world says they want to “be known” but secretly just want to be famous.

And yet, when you peel back the layers, most people aren’t chasing celebrity. T — they’re craving belonging.

They want to find the people who “get” them, who share their values, and who’ll stand beside them as they build something meaningful.

But here’s the catch: your people can’t find you if you’re hiding.

Visibility isn’t about ego. It’s about connection. It’s saying, “Here I am — this is what I care about.” It’s showing your true self so others can recognize themselves in you.

“You can’t foster belonging for people if they don’t know you exist.” — Tonya Kubo Share on X

Craft as Care

Mary is a craftsman through and through. She’ll spend hours refining the smallest detail of a project because she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of care.

I, on the other hand, am a “done is better than perfect” kind of girl. But even I know that when someone gives you their time, it’s sacred.

Craft isn’t about fancy tech or polished production — it’s about intention. It’s saying, I thought this through because your attention matters to me.

That’s the difference between output and offering.

“Craft is how you show respect to your audience — it’s your quiet promise that says their time matters.” — Tonya Kubo Share on X

Whether you’re running a membership, writing a blog, or leading a community, people will always remember how your work made them feel cared for. That’s what keeps them coming back.

Focus Beats Frenzy

We live in an omni-channel world where everyone says you have to be everywhere to matter. Post 10 times a day. Repurpose your content 30 different ways.

But frenzy isn’t focus.

When I looked at my own data, I realized my people are on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram — not TikTok, not Threads, not everywhere else. So that’s where I show up. Intentionally. Consistently.

You don’t have to be everywhere. You just have to be somewhere — and show up there like you mean it.

Belonging doesn’t come from quantity. It comes from presence.

“Focus will always beat frenzy. You don’t need to be in all the places — just in the right ones.” — Tonya Kubo Share on X

Three Questions I’m Sitting With

1. Where am I hiding parts of myself that my people might be looking for?
2. How can I make my craft — whatever I create — feel like care?
3. What would it look like to choose depth over distraction?

Visibility isn’t vanity. It’s the pathway to belonging. And it’s the only way your freaks can find you.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.

Episode Transcript

Get the full transcript from Episode 11.

Resources & Mentions

• Episode 10: Visibility Isn’t Vanity with Mary Williams
• SensibleWoo.com
• Sasquatch Media Grounds — Mary’s full-service production studio
• School of Moxie  Podcast
• Mary Williams on Instagram
• Mary Williams on LinkedIn

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Tonya and book coach Candice L. Davis, host of Nothing but the Words, explore how writing communities make better books — and better humans.