How values, confidence, and intentional design create belonging that lasts.
What if the reason most communities feel fragile isn’t lack of engagement, bad content, or poor leadership?
What if it’s something subtler:
They were built to scale — not to sustain.
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, host Tonya Kubo sits down with business strategist and operations expert Gwen Bortner to explore what happens when you opt out of the “bigger is better” model of community building and instead design for depth, alignment, and longevity.
Gwen has spent more than 40 years building businesses and cultivating networks. She doesn’t run a massive membership. She doesn’t chase viral growth. And she isn’t interested in being the loudest voice in the room.
What she has built instead are small, curated circles rooted in shared values — communities that don’t depend on hype or constant visibility to thrive.
Together, Tonya and Gwen explore what makes a community sustainable, why confidence shapes connection, and how defining success for yourself changes everything.
If you’ve ever felt pressure to grow bigger when what you really want is deeper, this conversation offers a grounded alternative.
Episode Highlights
- [04:15] Why being “smart” doesn’t mean being smart at everything
- [11:30] How shared values matter more than shared revenue or industry
- [18:40] Why small curated groups bond faster than large memberships
- [24:10] The confidence required to build small on purpose
- [31:55] Why being consistently good matters more than being the best
- [39:20] What happens when community members connect independently of the leader
- [46:05] A better question than “What do you do?”
- [52:30] One simple shift to help you find your people offline
When Smaller Is Stronger
Gwen challenges a deeply ingrained belief in entrepreneurship: that success requires scale.
More members.
More reach.
More visibility.
But her experience suggests something different. The strongest communities aren’t necessarily the largest ones. They’re the ones built on shared values.
In her quarterly planning retreats, women from vastly different industries and revenue levels gather together. What unites them isn’t business model similarity — it’s alignment around kindness, creativity, integrity, and a desire to build sustainable success.
When values align, trust builds quickly. And when trust builds, community sustains itself.
“Shared values matter more than shared industries.” — Gwen Bortner Share on X
Success Defined by You
One of the most refreshing threads in this conversation is Gwen’s clarity around success.
She isn’t driven by being the biggest.
She doesn’t need to be first.
She doesn’t measure worth by follower count.
Instead, she focuses on consistency and sustainability. If success requires constant sprinting, constant visibility, or constant reinvention, it’s not sustainable.
And if it isn’t sustainable, it isn’t success.
“If it isn’t sustainable, it isn’t success.” — Gwen Bortner Share on X
When Community Doesn’t Depend on the Leader
Many communities revolve around a single person. The leader is the connector, the authority, the energy source.
But Gwen’s communities don’t collapse when she steps out of the breakout room.
Members support each other. They share resources privately. They build relationships outside the formal structure.
That isn’t accidental.
It happens because she curates carefully and builds around values — not personality, hierarchy, or proximity.
When the foundation is strong, the community doesn’t require constant supervision to behave well or thrive.
“Community doesn’t have to be big to be powerful.” — Gwen Bortner Share on X
Ask Better Questions
If you want to find your people, Gwen offers one simple shift:
Stop asking, “What do you do?”
Ask, “What do you love about what you do?”
That question surfaces values. And values are the fastest path to alignment.
Community doesn’t form around job titles.
It forms around meaning.
“Ask people what they love about what they do. That’s where real connection starts.” — Gwen Bortner Share on X
Freak Flags Fly
Each episode ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Gwen flies her flag:
- You’re my kind of freak if… you’re willing to do hard things because you love them.
- Something you love that friends don’t get: An eclectic mix of indoor hobbies like knitting and quilting, and outdoor adventures like skiing and paddleboarding.
- Community you’d infiltrate: Whichever one sparks curiosity in the moment.
- Practice that keeps you connected: A curated private networking group that meets quarterly.
- Someone doing freakishly good work who deserves a bigger stage: Her clients
Meet Our Guest
Gwen Bortner is a business strategist, operations expert, and trusted advisor with more than 40 years of experience across multiple industries. She helps women entrepreneurs define what they truly want and build sustainable businesses that reflect it — without chasing trends or sacrificing themselves in the process. You can learn more at EverydayEffectiveness.com and listen to her co-hosted podcast, The Business You Really Want.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Episode Transcript
Get the full transcript from Episode 18.
Resources & Mentions
Support the Show
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.
Let’s Stay Freaky
What’s Next
Small circles matter. But what makes them sustainable? In the next episode, Tonya explores the hidden structural flaw inside most communities, why designing everything around the leader creates fragility, and what it takes to build belonging that can thrive long after one person steps back.
0 Comments