Why living with intention sometimes means choosing a path few people understand
There is a subtle pressure to do life the “normal” way. Buy the convenient option. Follow the crowd. Trust that if everyone else is doing it, it must be the right choice.
But what happens when you begin asking questions?
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with Alicia Shidler to explore what happens after you stop accepting “normal” as the default. From reading ingredient labels and making homemade products to raising food, building community, and navigating relationships with people who don’t understand your choices, Alicia shares what she’s learned about living intentionally in a world that often mistakes different for wrong.
Their conversation isn’t about convincing anyone to homestead or abandon modern conveniences. It’s about having the courage to examine your own values, make thoughtful decisions, and resist the pressure to conform simply because “that’s how it’s always been done.”
If you’ve ever felt like the odd one out because of the choices you make for your health, your family, your work, or your life, this episode is a reminder that belonging isn’t about blending in. It’s about living authentically enough to make room for others to do the same.
Episode Highlights
- [00:00] The unexpected question that started Alicia’s journey toward intentional living
- [04:30] Raising a family across very different seasons of life
- [11:45] Why lasting change happens one decision at a time
- [19:10] Learning through online communities before ever joining the conversation
- [26:00] What moderating large Facebook groups taught Alicia about community
- [35:35] Belonging when your choices don’t look like everyone else’s
- [39:50] Why you can’t force people to change—you can only model another way
Curiosity Is More Powerful Than Fear
One of the most refreshing parts of this conversation is that Alicia never presents intentional living as an all-or-nothing lifestyle.
Her journey didn’t begin with chickens, homemade body care, or baking gluten-free sourdough. It began with curiosity. One question led to another. One small change made room for the next. Instead of trying to overhaul her entire life overnight, she simply kept asking whether there might be a better way.
That mindset matters because so many people abandon change before they ever begin. They assume they have to do everything perfectly or not at all. Alicia’s story offers another perspective. Sustainable change happens gradually, and curiosity creates far more lasting momentum than fear ever could.
Click to Tweet:
“You don’t have to question everything at once. One thoughtful choice can change everything.”
Living Differently Doesn’t Mean Living Defensively
As Alicia’s values changed, so did the way her life looked.
Some of those choices made perfect sense to her. Others seemed confusing—or even extreme—to the people around her. Reading every ingredient label, cooking with tallow, avoiding seed oils, and making homemade products weren’t decisions everyone understood.
Rather than trying to convince everyone else to agree with her, Alicia learned something even more valuable.
You can’t force people to change.
You can answer questions. You can share your experiences. You can quietly live your values. But ultimately, people have to become curious on their own.
That approach removes the pressure to defend every decision and replaces it with the freedom to simply live consistently.
Click to Tweet:
“You can’t force someone to change. You can only show them another way.”
Community Looks Different When You’re the “Weird One”
One of the themes woven throughout Find Your Freaks is belonging, and this episode explores what happens when your lifestyle choices make you feel like the outsider.
Alicia talks honestly about being the person whose food looks different, whose routines seem unusual, or whose priorities don’t match the cultural norm. Those moments can feel isolating, especially when people assume different automatically means judgmental.
The conversation also highlights the role online communities can play in helping people feel less alone. Alicia describes herself as someone who quietly observes before participating, joining groups not to speak immediately but to learn.
That reminder is especially meaningful for community leaders.
Not everyone belongs by speaking first.
Sometimes belonging begins by simply feeling safe enough to watch, learn, and listen.
Click to Tweet:
“Belonging doesn’t always begin with speaking up. Sometimes it begins with quietly paying attention.”
One Thing at a Time
Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this episode is how Alicia approaches change.
When people discover healthier products, cleaner ingredients, or different ways of living, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Suddenly everything feels questionable, and the temptation is to replace everything immediately.
Alicia offers a gentler path.
One thing at a time.
One habit.
One product.
One decision.
Not because the work isn’t important, but because lasting change is built through consistency, not panic.
That philosophy extends beyond food or homesteading. It applies to parenting, business, relationships, and community building as well. Lasting transformation rarely happens through dramatic overnight change. More often, it’s the result of hundreds of intentional choices made over time.
Click to Tweet:
“Intentional living isn’t about perfection. It’s about making one thoughtful choice after another.”
Three Questions I’m Sitting With
- Where am I choosing “normal” simply because it’s familiar?
- What small change have I been afraid to make because it feels different?
- How can I create space for people whose choices don’t look like mine?
Meet Your Guest
Alicia Shidler is the founder of Shidler Goods, a Michigan-based small business specializing in handcrafted tallow body care products. Passionate about intentional living, Alicia enjoys baking gluten-free sourdough, caring for livestock, reading ingredient labels, and continually learning how small, thoughtful choices can lead to a healthier and more purposeful life. Through her business and everyday life, she encourages others to question what “normal” means and embrace the practices that align with their values.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She’s spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she’s not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that “normal” was never the point. When she’s not hosting the show, she’s raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess.
Episode Transcript
Get the full transcript from Episode 028.
Resources & Mentions
- Shidler Goods
- Hope & Stay by Sonya Tucker
Support the Show
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.
You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.
Let’s Stay Freaky
What’s Next
Next time, Tonya explores why communities often mistake “the right way” for “the only way”—and how belonging begins when we make room for people whose paths look different from our own.
0 Comments