Why lived experience matters when everyone online sounds like an expert
The internet makes it easy to find homeschooling advice. It makes it much harder to determine whether that advice has stood the test of time.
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo builds on her conversation with Jen Mackinnon and shares how it came full circle when she unexpectedly began homeschooling her 12-year-old. Returning to the homeschool world revealed a flood of confident experts offering simple solutions. But many haven’t yet navigated the resistant child, the curriculum that stops working, burnout, adolescence, or the transition into adulthood.
Through personal stories and lessons from veteran homeschoolers, Tonya explores why real expertise often sounds less certain than internet authority. Experienced people ask questions. They consider context. They say “it depends” because they understand that no curriculum, routine, or philosophy works for every family.
That realization inspired Been There, Homeschooled That, a free online summit connecting newer homeschool families with veteran homeschoolers who have made mistakes, changed methods, survived the hard years, and successfully launched their children into the world.
Episode Highlights
[01:15] How Tonya unexpectedly found herself homeschooling again
[03:00] Who do you trust when everyone online sounds like an expert?
[03:50] Why the internet rewards confidence more than experience
[08:40] What experienced people mean when they say “it depends”
[13:30] The conversation that inspired a summit for homeschool “dinosaurs”
[16:35] Why there is no single right way to homeschool
[22:30] Why newer homeschoolers need guidance from people who have survived the hard years
[26:30] The story and purpose behind Been There, Homeschooled That
The Internet Rewards Confidence, Not Experience
The internet is an incredible place to find ideas. Type a question into a search engine or AI assistant, and you can receive dozens of possible answers in seconds.
But those tools aren’t very good at telling you which ideas have held up for five, 15, or 50 years.
Algorithms associate authority with specific signals. They reward certainty, named frameworks, simple language, and quick wins. Content that attracts immediate engagement spreads further than thoughtful advice that takes time to understand.
None of those signals prove that someone’s advice has worked in the real world.
A person can sound completely confident without having navigated the circumstances you’re facing. Meanwhile, the people with the most experience may be less visible because they’re busy doing the work instead of building personal brands around it.
“The internet rewards confidence. It doesn’t necessarily reward experience or success.” Share on X
“It Depends” May Be the Most Honest Answer
Tonya has often been told she uses too much couching language and needs to speak with more certainty.
But her careful language doesn’t come from a lack of confidence. It comes from knowing that advice can be valid without being right for every person or useful in every situation.
Experienced people understand how much context matters. Instead of declaring one universal answer, they ask questions:
- What is your goal?
- What are you building toward?
- How old are your children?
- What does your work schedule require?
- How much parental involvement can you realistically provide?
- What has already worked or failed for your family?
Veterans also say things like, “I used to think this, but then I learned that.” They’re confident enough to admit when experience changed their minds.
“Real experts say ‘it depends’ because they’ve been around long enough to know there are no absolutes.” Share on X
Some Lessons Can Only Be Learned Through Time
The problem with inexperienced advice usually isn’t intelligence or access to information. It’s time.
You can’t know whether your homeschool approach prepares a child for middle school until you reach middle school. You can’t know whether it prevents burnout until you’ve sustained it through difficult seasons. You can’t know whether it prepares a student for adulthood until that student begins exploring college, technical education, or the workforce.
Perspective comes through accumulated experience.
That doesn’t mean newer homeschoolers have nothing valuable to contribute. It means their perspective is naturally limited to what they have encountered so far.
Veteran homeschoolers have tried curriculum that looked perfect and fell apart. They’ve taught children with different interests and abilities. They’ve changed routines, adjusted expectations, navigated burnout, and discovered that what worked at age seven didn’t necessarily work at 13.
Those experiences allow them to offer more than information. They can offer perspective.
“Information is easy to find. Perspective is earned through time.” Share on X
There Is No One Right Way to Homeschool
One lesson Tonya has carried from her conversations with Jen is that there is no single right way to homeschool.
A curriculum that works beautifully for a parent who can sit beside a child throughout every lesson may be impossible for a parent working full-time. A math program that fits one child may frustrate another. A routine that works in elementary school may collapse during the middle school years.
Jen built the Working Homeschool Mom Club around the belief that families need systems that fit their actual lives rather than copied versions of someone else’s approach.
Tonya experienced this herself. The curriculum and routines she used with her oldest daughter can’t simply be repeated with her youngest. Her children have different strengths, interests, and learning needs. Homeschooling successfully requires responding to the child in front of you, not following an influencer’s formula.
“The right way to homeschool is the way that fits your child, your circumstances, and your family.” Share on X
Community Has to Support Your Whole Reality
Working homeschool parents often feel as if they don’t fully belong anywhere.
Traditional homeschool communities may assume that educating children is the parent’s only major responsibility. Advice for working parents usually assumes their children attend school outside the home.
Each community recognizes one part of their life while overlooking the other.
That’s why spaces like the Working Homeschool Mom Club matter. Members don’t have to explain why work meetings, client responsibilities, lesson plans, and family needs all compete for space on the same calendar. The entire context of their lives is understood.
None of us can fully realize our potential when only half of our identity is being served. The right community doesn’t require you to divide yourself into acceptable pieces before participating.
“The right community makes room for the full context of your life.” Share on X
Why Tonya Created Been There, Homeschooled That
Tonya isn’t creating a homeschool summit because she considers herself a veteran homeschooler.
She’s creating it because she’s a veteran community builder.
She knows how to find remarkable people, vet real experience, facilitate meaningful conversations, and create judgment-free spaces where different perspectives can coexist. Her role isn’t to offer one perfect homeschool philosophy. It’s to bring together experienced people who can help newer families ask better questions.
Every speaker at Been There, Homeschooled That has launched at least one homeschooled child into adulthood. They have navigated changing seasons, difficult curriculum decisions, burnout, neurodivergence, work, adolescence, and the long process of raising independent learners.
The free summit is designed for families in their first three years of homeschooling who want practical guidance without being told there is only one correct path.
Live sessions take place September 1–3, 2026, and free recordings will remain available through September 8.
Register for Been There, Homeschooled That.
“New homeschoolers don’t need perfect answers. They need experienced people who can help them ask better questions.” Share on X
Finding the People Who Have Been There
Sometimes your people aren’t the ones standing beside you at the same stage of the journey.
Sometimes they’re 20 years ahead of you and generous enough to turn around.
They can’t give you an exact formula for your family. But they can share what worked, what failed, what they would change, and which problems weren’t as permanent as they once seemed.
Been There, Homeschooled That isn’t about gathering people who claim to have every answer. It’s about connecting newer homeschoolers with people whose experience can help them recognize the right answers for themselves.
“Sometimes your people are 20 years ahead of you and generous enough to turn around.” Share on X
Questions to Consider
- Am I trusting someone because of their experience or because they sound confident?
- Where might I need more context before following someone else’s advice?
- Who has already traveled the road I’m on and can help me ask better questions?
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She’s spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she’s not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that “normal” was never the point. When she’s not hosting the show, she’s raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess.
Episode Transcript
Get the full transcript from Episode 031.
Resources & Mentions
- Been There, Homeschooled That – Register for the free online summit taking place September 1–3, 2026, with recordings available through September 8
- Episode 030 – The Hidden Life of Working Homeschool Moms with Jen Mackinnon
- Practical by Default – Practical resources and support for working homeschool moms
- Working Homeschool Mom Club – Jen Mackinnon’s free community for moms balancing work and homeschooling
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What’s Next
Next time, Tonya talks with clergy coach and author Margaret Marcuson about sustainable ministry, clergy burnout, and what happens when the people holding communities together can no longer hold themselves together.
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