Why your community feels busy but still disconnected, and the design choices that make people feel necessary.
What if the issue in your community isn’t that people won’t engage? What if engagement is happening, but it’s not translating into connection?
I see this often when I talk with community owners and leaders. The space looks active from the outside. Posts get comments. Questions get answered. People show up to calls or respond in threads. Yet something still feels off.
The group feels noisy but shallow. Participation exists, but the relationships never deepen. Members interact with the leader or respond to prompts, yet they rarely begin to rely on one another. Over time, the community starts to feel like a place people visit rather than a place they belong.
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, I unpack why belonging doesn’t happen by accident. I explore the structural flaw I see in many communities, why leader-centered spaces are more fragile than they appear, and what changes when leaders shift from controlling the community to stewarding it. When the focus moves from activity to interdependence, connection begins to grow and belonging finally has room to take root.
Episode Highlights
[02:41] Why many communities feel active but still lack real connection
[06:18] The difference between connection and belonging
[11:07] Why proximity alone does not create belonging
[16:32] Curating a community around shared values instead of business stage
[21:45] Protecting the community container before members join
[26:14] Encouraging member-to-member reliance and trust
[33:50] The hidden risk of leader-centered communities
[39:12] Stewardship vs. control in sustainable community leadership
Connection Comes Before Belonging
Connection and belonging are not the same thing. I know those words get used interchangeably, but they describe different experiences.
Connection is something a community can intentionally design for. It shows up in the structures that allow people to interact, collaborate, and see each other’s contributions. It happens when people have opportunities to talk, share ideas, solve problems together, and build familiarity over time.
Belonging, however, is something each person decides internally. It is the moment when someone begins to feel that their presence matters, that they are seen by the group, and that something meaningful would be missing if they were not there.
Connection creates the conditions where belonging becomes possible. Without connection, belonging rarely forms because people never move past surface-level interaction. When communities focus only on engagement metrics and overlook the deeper relational layer, they often end up with activity that looks healthy but does not actually create belonging.
Many people assume belonging is a byproduct of proximity. If you gather aligned people in a room or inside a digital community, relationships should naturally follow.
Sometimes proximity does create connection. Think about parents whose kids play on the same sports team or coworkers who share the same office. When people see each other regularly and share the same space, it is easier for conversations to start and familiarity to grow.
But proximity alone rarely leads to belonging. Without something deeper tying people together, those relationships often fade the moment the shared setting disappears.
Belonging develops when people share responsibility, rely on one another, and contribute to something larger than themselves. When members know their presence affects the group and their participation matters, the community begins to feel different. It becomes a place where people are not just present, but connected through mutual contribution.
The Quiet Design Flaw That Makes Communities Fragile
Most communities are designed with the leader at the center. The leader answers the questions, solves the problems, and becomes the hub for nearly every interaction.
This usually happens for practical reasons. The leader starts the community, introduces the conversations, and wants to make sure members feel supported. In the early stages, it makes sense for the leader to be highly involved because they are setting the tone and modeling how the space works.
Over time, though, this pattern can become structural. Members begin directing every question to the leader. Conversations flow through the leader instead of between members. Even when other people in the group could offer insight or support, the expectation remains that the leader is the primary source of answers.
This structure is rarely intentional. Yet the outcome is predictable. The leader eventually becomes the bottleneck, and the health of the community becomes limited by the leader’s capacity and attention. When everything depends on one person, the community can appear active while still lacking the resilience that comes from members supporting one another.
What Gwen’s Client Community Teaches About Belonging
In the previous episode, I spoke with Gwen Bortner about the way she works with her clients. During that conversation, she mentioned that she does not really think of herself as running a community.
I see it a little differently.
When I step back and look at the way her client ecosystem functions, I see one of the clearest examples of intentionally designed belonging. Her clients gather quarterly for planning sessions, and the group itself is relatively small. They are not in constant contact, and they are not meeting every week, yet the relationships between members are surprisingly strong.
Part of what makes this work is that the container Gwen has built encourages interaction that goes beyond her. Clients share ideas with one another, offer perspectives based on their own experience, and help each other think through challenges in real time. The conversations do not stop with Gwen’s guidance. They expand outward as members begin to recognize the value each person brings to the room.
Over time, those small moments of collaboration add up. Members begin to trust each other’s insight and look to one another as resources. The result is a network of relationships that exists alongside Gwen’s leadership rather than depending entirely on it.
There is an uncomfortable reality behind many struggling communities. The problem is often not the strategy, the platform, or the technology being used.
Most leaders spend a lot of time trying to fix surface-level issues. They look for better engagement tactics, new tools, or different ways to prompt conversation. Those changes can help temporarily, but they rarely address the deeper issue.
Sometimes the real challenge sits much closer to the center of the community. Leadership insecurity can quietly shape the way the space is designed. When leaders feel responsible for every answer, every solution, and every meaningful interaction, they unintentionally position themselves as the only source of value in the group.
Over time, members begin to rely on the leader rather than on each other. Questions flow upward instead of across the community. Conversations stay shallow because members are waiting for the leader to respond rather than engaging with one another.
What forms in that environment is dependency rather than belonging. The community may look active for a while, but it remains fragile because the relationships that sustain belonging were never given space to grow.
The distinction I want leaders to sit with is the difference between managing the container and owning the relationships inside it.
Managing the container means paying attention to the culture of the space and the conditions that shape how people interact. It involves setting clear expectations, modeling healthy communication, and creating opportunities for members to collaborate and contribute. The leader’s role is to protect the environment so that connection can grow naturally among the people inside it.
Owning the relationships, on the other hand, places the leader at the center of every exchange. Conversations move through the leader, questions are directed to the leader, and members begin to look to that one person as the primary source of support and validation. Over time, this creates a structure where the community cannot function without constant input from the person at the center.
Healthy communities depend on stewardship rather than control. When leaders focus on maintaining the container instead of controlling the relationships within it, members gain the space to connect with one another. As those connections deepen, people begin to rely on each other’s insight and experience.
That shift is where belonging becomes durable. Instead of depending on one person to sustain the group, the relationships themselves become the foundation of the community.
Where in my community does connection exist, but real belonging hasn’t taken root yet?
Am I designing spaces where members rely on each other or quietly routing everything through myself?
What would change if the success of this community no longer depended on one person at the center?
These questions keep pulling me back to what belonging actually requires. Belonging grows through interdependence that is shared, trusted, and built through responsibility to one another.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Tonya talks with Stacey Morgan, an Army spouse of 25 years, mom of four, speaker, and author of The Astronaut’s Wife. Stacey shares how launching her husband into space reshaped the way she approaches fear, leadership, and going first. Together, they explore what it means to build connection and lead with courage in communities shaped by constant change.
How values, confidence, and intentional design create belonging that lasts.
What if the reason most communities feel fragile isn’t lack of engagement, bad content, or poor leadership?
What if it’s something subtler:
They were built to scale — not to sustain.
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, host Tonya Kubo sits down with business strategist and operations expert Gwen Bortner to explore what happens when you opt out of the “bigger is better” model of community building and instead design for depth, alignment, and longevity.
Gwen has spent more than 40 years building businesses and cultivating networks. She doesn’t run a massive membership. She doesn’t chase viral growth. And she isn’t interested in being the loudest voice in the room.
What she has built instead are small, curated circles rooted in shared values — communities that don’t depend on hype or constant visibility to thrive.
Together, Tonya and Gwen explore what makes a community sustainable, why confidence shapes connection, and how defining success for yourself changes everything.
If you’ve ever felt pressure to grow bigger when what you really want is deeper, this conversation offers a grounded alternative.
Episode Highlights
[04:15] Why being “smart” doesn’t mean being smart at everything
[11:30] How shared values matter more than shared revenue or industry
[18:40] Why small curated groups bond faster than large memberships
[24:10] The confidence required to build small on purpose
[31:55] Why being consistently good matters more than being the best
[39:20] What happens when community members connect independently of the leader
[46:05] A better question than “What do you do?”
[52:30] One simple shift to help you find your people offline
When Smaller Is Stronger
Gwen challenges a deeply ingrained belief in entrepreneurship: that success requires scale.
More members. More reach. More visibility.
But her experience suggests something different. The strongest communities aren’t necessarily the largest ones. They’re the ones built on shared values.
In her quarterly planning retreats, women from vastly different industries and revenue levels gather together. What unites them isn’t business model similarity — it’s alignment around kindness, creativity, integrity, and a desire to build sustainable success.
When values align, trust builds quickly. And when trust builds, community sustains itself.
One of the most refreshing threads in this conversation is Gwen’s clarity around success.
She isn’t driven by being the biggest. She doesn’t need to be first. She doesn’t measure worth by follower count.
Instead, she focuses on consistency and sustainability. If success requires constant sprinting, constant visibility, or constant reinvention, it’s not sustainable.
Each episode ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Gwen flies her flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… you’re willing to do hard things because you love them.
Something you love that friends don’t get: An eclectic mix of indoor hobbies like knitting and quilting, and outdoor adventures like skiing and paddleboarding.
Community you’d infiltrate: Whichever one sparks curiosity in the moment.
Practice that keeps you connected: A curated private networking group that meets quarterly.
Someone doing freakishly good work who deserves a bigger stage: Her clients
Meet Our Guest
Gwen Bortner is a business strategist, operations expert, and trusted advisor with more than 40 years of experience across multiple industries. She helps women entrepreneurs define what they truly want and build sustainable businesses that reflect it — without chasing trends or sacrificing themselves in the process. You can learn more at EverydayEffectiveness.com and listen to her co-hosted podcast, The Business You Really Want.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Small circles matter. But what makes them sustainable? In the next episode, Tonya explores the hidden structural flaw inside most communities, why designing everything around the leader creates fragility, and what it takes to build belonging that can thrive long after one person steps back.
Why visibility isn’t the same as impact—and why belonging begins where responsibility starts.
We live in a world that rewards participation. Showing up. Staying active. Engaging often.
We count likes. Track comments. Measure attendance.
And somewhere along the way, we started mistaking activity for belonging.
But what if participation isn’t the same as mattering? What if being visible doesn’t actually mean you belong?
In this solo episode, Tonya Kubo unpacks what surfaced for her after a moment in her conversation with Jeff Yoshimi that wouldn’t let go: people stay engaged when their effort actually changes something.
That insight opens a deeper question—one most communities never ask out loud: Does anything you do here really matter?
Because here’s the truth many people quietly live with: You can show up everywhere… and still feel like nothing would change if you disappeared.
This episode is for the people who participate faithfully. The ones who attend, comment, react, and care. And still feel unseen, underutilized, or replaceable.
Episode Highlights
0:00 – 4:30 Why participation is often mistaken for belonging
4:31 – 9:10 The insight from gaming that reframed how effort creates engagement
9:11 – 14:45 Participation vs. contribution—and why visibility isn’t impact
14:46 – 19:30 How helplessness (not apathy) causes people to disengage
19:31 – 25:20 Why contribution feels risky and emotionally expensive
25:21 – 31:40 Designing communities where effort has real consequence
31:41 – 38:10 Stewardship, power, and managing communities you’re not part of
38:11 – 43:50 Belonging as responsibility—not sameness or comfort
43:51 – 48:30 What it really means to matter in a community
Participation Is Safe. Contribution Is Risky.
Participation asks one question: Were you here?
Contribution asks a harder one: Did what you did change anything?
Participation is inclusive, visible, and easy to scale. Contribution introduces responsibility, accountability, and uneven outcomes.
And that’s why so many communities stop at participation.
When communities reward visibility instead of impact, people eventually disengage—not because they don’t care, but because their effort feels inconsequential.
And when nothing you do seems to matter, the most rational response is to stop trying.
Belonging Isn’t Being Noticed
One of the most common myths about belonging is that it comes from being seen.
But belonging doesn’t come from attention. It comes from agency.
For community leaders, builders, and managers, this episode names a hard truth: Contribution doesn’t happen by accident.
Someone has to design the container. Protect pathways for agency. Ensure power flows toward members—not away from them.
And especially when stewarding communities you’re not personally part of, the work isn’t about centering yourself—it’s about lifting voices, sharing power, and remembering who the community belongs to.
If you’re pulling away from a community you once cared about, that doesn’t mean you stopped caring.
It often means your presence doesn’t change the outcome.
That’s not apathy. That’s discernment.
Find Your Freaks is built on the belief that belonging isn’t about being included—it’s about being entrusted. About knowing your voice carries weight and your absence would be felt.
So if you’re drifting, ask yourself: Where am I visible, but not influential?
Around here, signals matter.
Three Questions I’m Sitting With
Where am I participating without being invited to matter?
What would change if effort always had visible consequences?
Who in my community is being treated like an audience member instead of a co-creator?
Belonging isn’t sameness. It isn’t visibility. And it isn’t comfort.
It’s responsibility—shared, trusted, and lived out together.
And around here, normal was never the point.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Tonya talks with Gwen Bortner, a business strategist and longtime collaborator, about creating connection outside the usual community models. No platforms, no funnels—just small, intentional relationships and what it looks like to build belonging off the grid.
How play, purpose, and participation collide when people are invited to matter.
What if the reason people disengage isn’t apathy, burnout, or lack of care?
What if it’s something simpler and harder to name: Their effort doesn’t actually change anything.
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, host Tonya Kubo sits down with philosopher and cognitive scientist Jeff Yoshimi, a professor at the University of California, Merced, to explore how games, citizen science, and community design can create real belonging by inviting people to matter, not just participate.
Jeff’s work spans philosophy, neural networks, and systems thinking. But Gaming Cancer was born from something deeply personal. After cancer touched his family, Jeff found himself asking the same question so many people ask in moments of grief and helplessness: What can I actually do?
What emerged was a radical idea. What if everyday people, using their existing skills and curiosity, could meaningfully contribute to cancer research through play?
Together, Tonya and Jeff explore why games are so effective at sustaining engagement, how intrinsic motivation works when the challenge itself is the reward, and what happens when people from vastly different worlds come together around a shared problem.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your time, talent, or effort actually makes a difference, this conversation offers a grounded and hopeful reframe.
Episode Highlights
[05:40] Why humans are wired to solve problems and how games tap into that instinct
[10:55] What game designers understand about motivation that most institutions miss
[16:30] The sleepless night that sparked Gaming Cancer
[22:45] How citizen science allows non-experts to contribute to real research
[28:10] How the game Eterna helped advance vaccine research
[35:20] Why designers, artists, and marketers belong in scientific problem-solving
[41:50] How grief can become generative instead of paralyzing
[49:05] Why progress doesn’t require certainty
[55:40] Where to begin if you want to help but don’t know hows like they don’t need help
[58:30] What to do if you’re the one silently struggling
Why Games Keep Us Engaged
Jeff explains that games work because they honor something fundamental about human nature. We are problem-solving creatures. When effort leads to visible impact, motivation follows.
In a well-designed game, progress is clear. Feedback is immediate. The system responds to what you do.
Many real-world communities ask people to participate without ever showing them how their effort changes anything. Games succeed where systems fail because they make contribution legible.
Each episode ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Jeff flies his flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… you see games as powerful tools for change
Something you love that friends don’t get: Phenomenology
Community you’d infiltrate: The Find Your Freaks community
Practice that keeps you connected: Social media
Someone doing freakishly good work who deserves a bigger stage: Zach Barthes and Nicky Case
Meet Our Guest
Jeff Yoshimi is a philosopher, cognitive scientist, and professor at the University of California, Merced. His work focuses on neural networks, visualization, and systems thinking. Gaming Cancer explores how games and citizen science can accelerate research, foster belonging, and turn grief into collective action.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Some freaks play for fun. Others play to change the world. In this episode, Tonya explores how belonging deepens when people are invited to matter, not just participate, and what becomes possible when effort actually changes something.
Why looking “fine” can be the loneliest place to be.
We live in a world that rewards competence. The people who show up on time. The ones who handle things. The reliable ones.
If you can keep the plates spinning, the calendar color-coded, and the wheels turning, you’re praised for being “so put together.”
But what if holding it together isn’t the same as being okay? What if competence is masking something far more fragile?
In this solo episode, I unpack what surfaced for me after my recent conversation with Rachel Alexandria about high performers and what she calls secret messes—the overwhelm, anxiety, perfectionism, and emotional exhaustion hidden beneath polish and productivity.
Because here’s the truth most strong people don’t say out loud: Holding it together takes enormous effort. And eventually, that effort costs you something.
This episode is for the strong friends. The capable leaders. The quiet over-functioners. Anyone who’s been praised for being “fine” while privately falling apart.
Episode Highlights
0:00 – 3:10 Holding it together vs. actually being okay
3:11 – 6:45 The curse of competence and hiding in plain sight
6:46 – 10:30 Why the responsible one rarely gets checked on
10:31 – 14:50 Competence as armor, not stability
14:51 – 19:20 Hyper-responsibility and emotional survival
19:21 – 23:40 Waiting for someone to notice (and why they don’t)
23:41 – 27:30 “I need help” even when you don’t know what help looks like
27:31 – 32:10 Being easy to say no to as a doorway to connection
32:11 – 36:45 Gentle support vs. pressure and forced intimacy
41:01 – 45:30 One small practice for strong friends—and those who love them
The Cost of Looking Fine
The people who look the most put together are often the ones under the most pressure.
They don’t ask for help because they don’t want to inconvenience anyone. They don’t want to lose credibility. They don’t want to drop the ball. And often, they don’t even know what help they would ask for—because needing help was never an option.
And if you love someone who always looks fine, try this instead: “You’ve been on my mind. No pressure to respond, but I’m here if you need a human.”
Make it easy to say no. That’s how people learn it’s safe to say yes.
Three Questions I’m Sitting With
Where am I holding it together instead of asking for support?
What would change if I stopped waiting to be “bad enough” to deserve care?
How can I make myself—and others—safer to be honest with?
Strength doesn’t mean silence.
Competence doesn’t mean you’re okay.
And around here, normal was never the point.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Tonya talks with Jeff Yoshimi, a professor at University of California, Merced whose work spans philosophy, cognitive science, and neural networks. His book, Gaming Cancer, invites us to ask what becomes possible when we stop compartmentalizing who we are and let our whole selves lead the way.
Why high performers can be the loneliest people in the room.
What if the people who seem the most capable are actually the ones struggling the most?
In this episode of Find Your Freaks, host Tonya Kubo sits down with former psychotherapist turned soul medic Rachel Alexandria to explore the hidden loneliness of high performers — the executives, founders, and leaders who look polished, competent, and unshakeable… while quietly holding everything together by sheer force of will.
Rachel works with people who carry enormous responsibility while suppressing their humanity. Together, she and Tonya unpack how perfectionism and people-pleasing become survival strategies, why competence often turns into a mask, and what it really costs to be “the strong one” everyone assumes doesn’t need help.
If you’ve ever felt invisible because you look fine — or if you love someone who always seems okay — this conversation invites you to see what’s happening beneath the surface.
Episode Highlights
[04:15] Why high performers are often the most isolated people in the room
[08:42] The difference between having it together and holding it together
[13:30] How family dynamics and gaslighting disconnect us from our inner knowing
[18:55] Burnout, perfectionism, and people-pleasing as survival skills
[25:10] How perimenopause, ADHD, and long COVID complicate high achievement
[31:40] Why leaders can’t afford to “fall apart” — and what they do instead
[38:22] The hidden cost of excellence: “Other things suffered.”
[45:05] Why asking for help feels so inconvenient — and so necessary
[52:10] How to be a safe person for someone who looks like they don’t need help
When Competence Becomes a Mask
Rachel explains that many high performers learned early that being capable meant being safe. If you could handle things, anticipate needs, and stay composed, you avoided chaos — or consequences.
Over time, that competence becomes a mask.
People stop checking on you. You stop letting yourself be seen. And loneliness quietly takes root.
“There is no gaining success without loss. Other things always suffer.”
In this episode, Tonya and Rachel explore the uncomfortable truth that high achievement always comes with tradeoffs — time, relationships, rest, or health. Burnout often happens when we pretend those costs don’t exist.
Trying to do everything at the same level isn’t sustainable. Grieving what’s been lost — instead of denying it — is often the first step toward healing.
Asking for Help Without Knowing What It Looks Like
One of the most powerful moments in the conversation centers on this truth:
You don’t need to know how someone will help — only that you need help.
Rachel shares why trying to solve everything alone eventually stops working. What got you here can’t get you where you need to go next. Naming “I don’t know what I need, but I can’t do this alone anymore” opens the door to real support.
Each episode ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Rachel flies her flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… you love shiny rocks and hate small talk.
Something you love that friends don’t get: Dungeons & Dragons and Disney.
Community you’d infiltrate: Furries — purely to understand.
Practice that keeps you connected: Time in nature and intentional energetic cleansing.
Meet Our Guest
Rachel Alexandria is a former psychotherapist turned soul medic who helps high performers clean up their “secret messes” — burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and loneliness hidden beneath competence. She is the host of the podcast Lonely at the Top and the author of three books on conversation, criticism, and stress relief.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Some freaks stand out. Others blend in so well they disappear. Next episode, Tonya explores what it means to be seen when your freakiness is hidden — and why looking fine doesn’t mean you don’t deserve care, community, and connection.
We live in a world that worships speed. Everywhere you look, someone is launching faster, publishing faster, producing faster — and celebrating “more” as the ultimate metric of success. If AI can crank out miles of copy or help you publish 10 books in a single year, the pressure to keep up is intense.
But what if slowing down isn’t failure? What if it’s actually your secret power?
In this solo episode, I unpack my conversation with book coach and ghostwriter Candice L. Davis, who has spent her career helping writers create work they’re genuinely proud of. Our conversation left me thinking deeply about craft — not just for writers, but for anyone building something meaningful.
Because slowing down isn’t laziness. It isn’t hesitation. It isn’t lack of talent.
Slowing down is craft. And craft is care.
Episode Highlights
[00:00] Everyone’s rushing — and why it’s not helping
[02:38] The “Stephen King cabin fantasy” (and why it’s a myth)
[08:41] How AI has changed the pressure around quality vs. quantity
[11:56] Why some creators refuse to contribute to shallow work
[18:21] A-plus vs. C-minus work: choosing where depth matters
[24:41] Craft as love: what intention communicates
[28:31] You don’t have to “arrive” to join community
[35:31] Messy drafts, messy beginnings, and creating in public
[42:34] Final takeaway: your pace and process might be your superpower
The Rebellion of Slowing Down
When Candice and I recorded her episode, one thing she said hit me right in the chest:
“Slowing down doesn’t make you lazy. It’s an aspect of craft.”
And she’s right.
While the world celebrates speed, she’s quietly championing depth — helping writers unlearn the belief that value comes from how fast they can produce. For so many people, the moment they seek out a book coach is the moment panic sets in. They think they’re behind, that they’ve “wasted time,” that they’ll never catch up.
But that sense of rushing? It’s not coming from passion — it’s coming from fear.
We’ve created a culture that equates slowness with failure and speed with success. And in a time where AI can generate a full manuscript in seconds, many people feel pressure to abandon their own voice for the sake of efficiency.
But here’s the truth:
Craft requires time. Care requires intention. Depth cannot be automated.
One of my favorite moments from the transcript is when I described a literary agency that uses the term “pre-published authors.”
Not “aspiring.” Not “wannabe.” Not “not yet enough.”
Pre-published.
Because identity isn’t earned at the finish line — it’s claimed at the starting line.
Too many people believe they must reach some arbitrary definition of “ready” before they can join community. They think they have to be perfect or polished before they can belong.
But you don’t have to hide your messy beginnings.
You don’t have to wait to be chosen.
You can show up before everything is tidy, finished, or flawless — and in many ways, that’s when community can help you most.
Candice loves when clients bring her messy drafts because she can save them so much time by shaping the work before it calcifies. In fact, she’d rather see a rough chapter than a “finished” one that needs to be torn apart and rebuilt.
Your messy middle isn’t proof of inadequacy. It’s evidence that you’re doing the work.
Your willingness to create in public, iterate, and let people into your process is what makes the work stronger — and it’s how your community feels connected to you.
You don’t need perfection to make progress. You need presence.
Choose Depth Over Distraction
We live in an era where shortcuts are everywhere. AI can answer questions. Courses can give blueprints. Automation can accelerate output.
But none of that replaces the depth you bring to your craft.
And your people want your care. They’ll wait for it.
Because when someone feels like your work was made for them — not mass-produced for anyone — they stay. They invest. They connect. They belong.
And that’s our whole mission here.
Three Questions I’m Sitting With
Where am I rushing out of fear instead of slowing down out of care?
What would happen if I let myself take the long road?
How can I bring more intention to the way I serve, speak, and create?
Craft isn’t perfectionism. It’s love in motion. It’s your quiet rebellion against a world obsessed with speed.
And it’s how your freaks will know your work was meant for them.
Because the truth is simple:
Your pace and process might be your superpower — the very thing that sets you apart.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Tonya sits down with Rachel Alexandria — former psychotherapist turned Soul Medic — whose life’s work is helping high performers clean up their “secret messes”: the overwhelm, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing they hide under resume-ready polish.
Why slowing down isn’t weakness — it’s craft, and craft is care.
What if the pressure to write fast is the very thing keeping your work shallow? In this episode of Find Your Freaks, award-winning writer and book coach Candice L. Davis joins host Tonya Kubo to dismantle the myth that speed equals success — especially in a world ruled by algorithms, AI shortcuts, and hustle culture.
Candice argues that thoughtful writing isn’t elitist or outdated; it’s how you create work that actually connects. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a creative, or simply someone who wants your ideas to matter, this conversation exposes the real cost of rushing: recycled concepts, thin ideas, and books that should’ve stayed blog posts.
From AI’s limitations to the loneliness of writing to the power of community, this episode reminds you that your depth is your power — and no algorithm deserves to dictate your pace.
Episode Highlights
[02:10] Why rushing books has always been a problem
[06:25] What’s lost when speed replaces substance
[10:40] How “books” become glorified blog posts
[14:55] When AI helps accessibility — and when it hurts originality
[20:12] The myth of the “urgent” publishing timeline
[26:48] How writing communities fuel discipline and creativity
[31:30] Letting go of deadlines that only exist in your head
[44:22] How to know if your writing group is actually serving you
[50:40] A message for writers ashamed of unfinished work
Depth Over Speed
Self-publishing made it easier than ever for anyone to write a book. AI made it even easier — and that’s where the trouble begins.
Candice has seen what happens when people try to write a book “in a weekend,” or when they hand an outline to AI and expect brilliance. The result? Predictable structure, recycled talking points, and work that reads like an imitation of other people’s ideas.
“Some ideas are bigger than a blog post,” she says. “That’s why we have books.”
The Problem Isn’t AI. It’s Outsourcing Your Thinking.
AI can assist with accessibility, transcription, structure, and clarity — tools that support your ideas. But when you let AI do the thinking, you’re no longer writing. You’re compiling the internet.
Using AI as a tool is helpful. Using it as a substitute for depth erases your voice.
Community Makes Better Writers
Writing can feel lonely, but it’s not meant to be solitary.
Candice shares how her writer cohorts create accountability and courage. Writers show up for each other. They share drafts. They push each other deeper. They keep going because someone is waiting for them to show up.
“One of my writers said, ‘I didn’t realize how lonely writing my book could be.’” Candice’s response? “You don’t have to do it alone.”
When the pressure drops, the writing finally begins.
Freak Flags Fly
Each episode ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Candice flies her flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… you love books more than any other media.
Something you love that friends don’t get: dark, literary fiction.
Community you’d infiltrate: the young Black male manosphere — to understand and help heal.
Practice that keeps you connected: attending book events featuring deeply crafted work.
Someone who deserves a bigger stage: Jesmyn Ward, whose award-winning brilliance is still under-read.
Meet Our Guest
Candice L. Davis is an award-winning writer and book coach who helps experts move past surface-level content to uncover their deepest, most meaningful ideas. Through private coaching, writer cohorts, and her podcast Nothing But the Words, she guides authors toward creating books with clarity, craft, and lasting impact.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
Everyone’s in a rush to publish, launch, and “ship it,” but rushing doesn’t create belonging — it creates noise. Next episode, Tonya unpacks why slowing down isn’t weakness. It’s craft. And craft is care.
Why showing up isn’t about ego, it’s about belonging.
You might think being visible means being vain — that wanting to be seen, heard, or recognized is somehow selfish. But what if visibility isn’t about attention at all? What if it’s the bridge that connects you to the people who’ve been looking for you all along?
In this solo episode, I unpack my conversation with my biz bestie, Mary Williams of Sensible Woo (010 — Visibility Isn’t Vanity), to explore what it really means to be seen — and how craft and focus shape our ability to belong.
Because showing up like you mean it isn’t about ego. It’s about connection.
Episode Highlights
0:00 – 2:30 What “visibility” actually means (and why it’s not vanity)
7:07 – 9:30 The difference between wanting to be seen and wanting fame
9:31 – 14:13 Craft as community care. How intention shows respect
14:14 – 16:32 Why people leave communities when they don’t feel valued
16:33 – 21:12 Focus over frenzy — you don’t need to be everywhere to make an impact
21:13 – 23:35 Social media myths and the truth about “omni-channel” burnout
23:36 – 28:26 Showing up with depth and consistency = belonging
28:27 – 30:00 Final takeaway: your freaks can’t find you if you’re hiding
The Fear of Being Seen
When Mary and I recorded our conversation on visibility, we joked that half the world says they want to “be known” but secretly just want to be famous.
And yet, when you peel back the layers, most people aren’t chasing celebrity. T — they’re craving belonging.
They want to find the people who “get” them, who share their values, and who’ll stand beside them as they build something meaningful.
But here’s the catch: your people can’t find you if you’re hiding.
Visibility isn’t about ego. It’s about connection. It’s saying, “Here I am — this is what I care about.” It’s showing your true self so others can recognize themselves in you.
Mary is a craftsman through and through. She’ll spend hours refining the smallest detail of a project because she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of care.
I, on the other hand, am a “done is better than perfect” kind of girl. But even I know that when someone gives you their time, it’s sacred.
Craft isn’t about fancy tech or polished production — it’s about intention. It’s saying, I thought this through because your attention matters to me.
That’s the difference between output and offering.
Whether you’re running a membership, writing a blog, or leading a community, people will always remember how your work made them feel cared for. That’s what keeps them coming back.
Focus Beats Frenzy
We live in an omni-channel world where everyone says you have to be everywhere to matter. Post 10 times a day. Repurpose your content 30 different ways.
But frenzy isn’t focus.
When I looked at my own data, I realized my people are on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram — not TikTok, not Threads, not everywhere else. So that’s where I show up. Intentionally. Consistently.
You don’t have to be everywhere. You just have to be somewhere — and show up there like you mean it.
Belonging doesn’t come from quantity. It comes from presence.
Where am I hiding parts of myself that my people might be looking for?
How can I make my craft — whatever I create — feel like care?
What would it look like to choose depth over distraction?
Visibility isn’t vanity. It’s the pathway to belonging. And it’s the only way your freaks can find you.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.
Why wanting to be seen doesn’t make you fake — it makes you human
What if the shame around wanting attention is the very thing keeping you invisible? In this episode of Find Your Freaks, content strategist and systems whisperer Mary Williams joins Tonya Kubo to dismantle the myth that visibility equals vanity.
Mary argues that the desire to be seen — to be recognized, known, and trusted — is not ego but honesty. She shares how craftsmanship, consistency, and curiosity create sustainable visibility, and why being “famous” for your work doesn’t have to mean being performative. From OG internet “dinosaurs” to the influencer-industrial complex, this conversation is a masterclass in showing up with integrity when the world feels loud and crowded.
Episode Highlights
[03:55] Why so many entrepreneurs secretly want fame but won’t admit it
[09:55] Why you should think like you’re going to be famous (even if you’re not)
[11:32] Craftsmanship as the real key to sustainable visibility
[19:18] Showing up at “eleventy billion percent” when nobody’s watching
[23:13] Finding your freaks in person — and why it matters
[29:00] The mechanics of genuine human connection
[40:37] How acting classes can make you a better marketer
Say the Quiet Thing Out Loud
Most of us were raised to believe that wanting attention makes you arrogant. Especially in the online business world, “humility” often looks like hiding.
Mary calls B.S. on that. She’s worked with countless entrepreneurs who crave visibility but are too afraid to admit it — even to themselves.
Fame, as Mary defines it, isn’t about ego. It’s about visibility: the desire to be seen for who you are and the work you create. The shame around that desire keeps too many people playing small, mistaking invisibility for humility.
Owning your ambition doesn’t make you shallow. It makes you honest.
Craft Over Clout
We’ve been told that success online means posting constantly and showing up everywhere. Mary calls that out for what it is: an exhausting lie.
“We’ve hit an era where you kind of need to think like you’re going to be famous. But that doesn’t mean acting like it.”
Instead, she points to craftsmanship as the real differentiator. True visibility is built on skill, not scale. It’s the long game — the years of practice, care, and curiosity that make your message unmistakably yours.
Craftsmanship is showing up fully, even when no one’s clapping yet.
Visibility Starts With Humanity
Mary may live online, but she builds her deepest connections offline — in Feral Book Club, Hustle Hard, Slide Faster, and her local Portland communities.
Real human interaction sharpens empathy and originality. It keeps your message from blending into the algorithmic noise. The secret to being seen isn’t better filters; it’s being more human.
You Are Your Own System
As a former systems coach, Mary has a simple but confronting truth: You are your own system.
If you keep struggling to be seen, it might not be your platform — it might be your patterns. She invites entrepreneurs to look inward before blaming the algorithm. Visibility without self-awareness turns into performance. But visibility built on knowing who you are becomes presence.
Practice Being Seen
For anyone afraid to take up space, Mary offers unexpected advice: Take an acting class.
Visibility is a skill. Presence can be practiced. The goal isn’t to become a performer — it’s to learn how to channel your authentic energy through a screen or a mic. The reps matter. The practice matters.
Because when your moment comes, you’ll be ready to meet it.
Freak Flags Fly
Every interview ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Mary waved her flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… you like to read five-chili-pepper spicy books.
Something you love that your friends just don’t get: Asian snacks — especially White Rabbit candy.
Community you’d infiltrate just to understand it better: The Gary Vee and Tim Ferriss crowds — to see what’s really going on in those masterminds.
Tool, ritual, or practice that keeps you connected: Building in-person communities like PechaKucha Portland and Feral Book Club.
Someone doing freakishly good work who deserves a bigger stage: Young cosplay creators engineering jaw-dropping, functional designs (like Katniss Everdeen’s flaming dress).
Meet Our Guest
Mary Williams is the founder of Sensible Woo and owner of Sasquatch Media Grounds, a full-service production studio in Vancouver, Washington. A former Hollywood professional turned systems coach, she blends storytelling, structure, and soul to help solopreneurs make media that matters. Mary is also the host of the School of Moxie podcast and a leader in several creative Portland communities, including Feral Book Club and Hustle Hard, Slide Faster.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.
Mary’s episode asks us to confront the real motives behind our desire to be seen. In the next episode, Tonya unpacks why craftsmanship and connection—not perfection—are the only sustainable routes to authentic visibility in a fame-driven world.
Why our differences matter less than we think — and curiosity might be the cure
You can look at someone’s family, their politics, their religion, and think it’s nothing like yours. But underneath, most of us are fighting for the same things: safety, belonging, and a shot at raising the next generation — or at least leaving the world a little better than we found it.
In this solo episode, I unpack my conversation with parenting coach Jen Gerardy (Episode 8: Becoming Who You Were Waiting For) to explore how labels, scripts, and moral judgments keep us divided when shared humanity could bring us together.
Because what if the people you disagree with most are fighting the same fight you are — just from a different angle?
Episode Highlights
[02:23] The surface differences that distract us from shared humanity
[06:23] Parenting “off script” and redefining what works for your family
[09:14] Political, faith, and cultural scripts we inherit — and how to rewrite them (if you want to)
[11:13] Chosen family as a model of community care
[15:42] Labels, dehumanization, and curiosity as a leadership skill
[29:03] The heart of it all: different families, same fight
The Trap of Surface Difference
When I interviewed Jen Gerardy, I knew we came from different worlds. She’s a parenting coach for non-monogamous families — a phrase that can make some people instantly uncomfortable. But what struck me wasn’t the difference. It was the sameness.
Her rule for parents — “Don’t ask kids to keep grown-up secrets.” — stopped me cold. Because in our house, we have the same one. We say, “No secrets, only surprises.”
Different families. Same instinct. Protect the kids. Build trust. Tell the truth.
It reminded me how quickly we assume “they” are nothing like “us,” when often we’re standing on identical ground.
Most of us inherited a family program. A script that tells us what “good” looks like. Good parents do this. Good Christians believe that. Good people vote this way.
Jen calls it parenting off script when you pause to ask, “Does this actually work for us?”
For my husband and me, that looked like co-sleeping with one child and not with the other. For Jen, it meant questioning every “should” that didn’t serve her family’s reality.
We don’t have to make the same choices to share the same values. And sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to stop performing someone else’s version of “right.”
The Families We Choose
I was raised by a single mom surrounded by other single moms. We called ourselves cousins even though we weren’t related by blood. Those women raised me. They still pick up the phone when I call.
My daughters grew up in the same kind of village — surrounded by aunties, mentors, and family friends who fill the stands at school events when I can’t be there.
Belonging isn’t about matching DNA. It’s about mutual devotion.
When we stop labeling people as enemies, we make room to see what motivates them. It’s usually the same things that motivate us: safety, dignity, and love.
Experiments in Curiosity
Instead of trying to fix the world in one sweep, try these small acts of rebellion against judgment:
Replace a snap judgment with a curious question. When you catch yourself thinking, How could they?, ask, What need is this meeting for them?
Send a thank-you text to someone in your village — the people who make your world safer and softer.
Notice where belonging feels conditional. If being accepted requires hiding, that’s not belonging. That’s performance.
Three Questions I’m Sitting With
Where in my life am I confusing familiar with right?
Who do I silence myself around because I fear judgment?
What script have I inherited that no longer fits — and what would it look like to rewrite it?
The surface shifts. The heart rarely does. Different families. Same fight.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies — and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense.
As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.
Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart — a guide to understanding the language of emotion and how naming our feelings helps us build true connection.
The Gottman Institute — pioneers in relationship research whose work on trust and emotional safety offers practical tools for families and partners alike.
Support the Show
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.
Next time on Find Your Freaks: I sit down with my biz bestie, Mary Williams of Sasquatch Media Grounds, to talk about the creator world’s uneasy relationship with fame — and why chasing visibility might not be as shallow as it sounds.
Parenting outside the lines, ditching shame, and building the community your family actually needs
What if the problem isn’t your family, but the rulebook you inherited? In this episode of Find Your Freaks, holistic family consultant Jen Gerardy invites us to stop forcing our lives into templates that don’t fit. She works with queer, non-monogamous, and neurodiverse families, and her starting point is simple: design relationships that serve the actual humans in the room.
We talk about how to speak plainly with kids, why “secrets vs. surprises” is a powerful litmus test, and what it takes to build real community for ethically non-monogamous/polyamorous (ENM/poly) parents without pathologizing who they are. If you’ve ever felt like you had to shave off parts of yourself to be “allowed” in a parenting space, this conversation will feel like oxygen.
Episode Highlights
[00:00] “Who are your freaks?” — Jen’s people and why questioning norms can make you a better parent
[07:08] Judgment, protection, and why compassion (even for the judgy folks) matters
[11:16] Coming out to yourself as non-monogamous while parenting: what changed (and what didn’t)
[17:06] Best practices 101: secrets vs. surprises; introducing partners; centering child wellbeing
[25:28] Rethinking “the village”: expanding who cares for a child beyond narrow roles
[29:13] Stop pathologizing people: challenges ≠ you being the problem
[31:29] The line to remember: “If the world isn’t set up for you, you’ll face more challenges — and you’re still not the problem”
Early in motherhood, Jen had a child who refused to behave like the books promised. Sleep only happened if they were touching her or someone else. She could fight it and suffer, or she could rethink the plan.
Choosing the second path started a decade of reframing: trading “shoulds” for systems that fit the people you have.
That small pivot points to a bigger idea. Many of us parent on autopilot, guided by scripts we absorbed from family, culture, or a well-reviewed bestseller. Those scripts can be helpful until they aren’t. Jen’s work is granting families permission to ask better questions:
What does thriving look like for us?
What are our actual constraints and capacities?
What agreements support everyone’s needs?
Secrets vs. Surprises: A Simple Litmus Test
One of Jen’s clearest best practices is aimed straight at child safety: don’t make kids hold adult secrets.
If your structure requires a child to hide an adult relationship from school, family, or friends, that’s a sign to rethink the setup. Surprises are time-bound and harmless; secrets put kids in loyalty binds they’re not equipped to manage, and shouldn’t be expected to.
This principle also clarifies when and how to introduce a new partner. There isn’t a single right timeline, but there are right questions:
What role would this adult play in the child’s life?
What are they willing and able to offer?
What does your child need to feel safe and supported?
Monogamous or not, most families rely on more than two adults. Grandparents, neighbors, teachers, “aunts,” family friends — many people already contribute to a child’s wellbeing. Jen encourages parents to name and coordinate that support on purpose. Who is in the circle? What roles do they play? Where are the gaps?
Expanding the caregiving constellation reduces isolation and distributes emotional load. It also normalizes a broader definition of family: not a moral statement, but an honest map of who shows up for your child and how.
Stop Pathologizing People
Parents often arrive at Jen’s door carrying a long list of “shoulds” and a short fuse of shame. Maybe they’re non-monogamous. Maybe they or their child are neurodivergent. Maybe their life just doesn’t match the image on the diaper box. The message they’ve heard is familiar: The problem is you.
Jen’s reframe is the spine of this episode:
“If the world isn’t set up for you, you’ll face more challenges — and it’s not because you’re the problem.” — Jen Gerardy
Challenges are real. They’re also solvable without erasing who you are. Switching from diagnosis to design opens better options: adjust environments, renegotiate roles, right-size expectations, and resource the system so everyone has what they need to function.
ENM/poly parents often edit themselves to access mainstream parenting spaces. Jen’s community removes that tax. The norms are clear: curiosity over judgment, practical help over prescriptive advice, child wellbeing and consent at the center.
The design is intentionally doable. Twice-monthly Zooms welcome real life: headphones while cooking dinner, cameras off when needed, kids in the background. Whatever works, works. The agenda prioritizes immediate needs first, then discussion. Privacy is honored without asking kids to carry secrets. Logistics are on the table, too: language choices for school forms, how to talk to extended family, what to do when a caregiving role changes.
Result: fewer shame spirals, more resourced parents, and kids who grow up with consistent language and care. It’s not about proving you’re normal; it’s about getting what your family needs to thrive.
If you’re curious where to begin, Jen suggests starting with your needs. Her free workbook helps you name them, notice the beliefs that complicate getting them met, and practice the skills that make asking easier. That foundation turns vague overwhelm into solvable problems: boundaries, schedules, scripts for hard conversations, and clear asks of your support network.
Freak Flags Fly
Every interview ends with five quick questions. Here’s how Jen waved her flag:
You’re my kind of freak if… “You’re weird and goofy and a little bit silly.”
What’s something you love that your friends just don’t get? Ancient Peruvian textiles. (She’s a knitter and textile artist raised by an archaeologist)
What community would you infiltrate just to understand it better? “Young white men. I’m so confused.”
What tool, ritual, or practice keeps you connected to your people? Showing up to community spaces regularly, even when she doesn’t “need” support.
Who’s doing freakishly good work and deserves a bigger stage?Sarah Santacroce and Humane Marketing — a kinder approach to business that actually fits real humans.
Meet Our Guest
Jen Gerardy is a holistic family consultant who helps queer, non-monogamous, and neurodiverse families build joyful, connected relationships without shame or self-erasure. She leads an online community for ENM/poly parents, offers coaching and workshops, and creates practical resources that center compassion, consent, and child wellbeing.
Meet Your Host
Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.
Humane Marketing by Sarah Santacroce — a kinder way to do business (Jen’s shout-out)
Polyamory Parenting 101 — YouTube video series with Jen and psychologist Dr. David PasCale Hague
If any link is missing, ping us and we’ll connect you directly with Jen.
Support the Show
If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.
